Bringing a baby home to your babies
Postpartum Reality: Coming Home to a Toddler.
It’s 11 pm. I am so tired. Like that bone-tired you only know one other time before–the last time I gave birth. Except this time I am stripping the sheets off of my 2 year old’s crib in my own diaper because she apparently contracted a GI bug the first night home with our newborn son. This is the part of postpartum no one talks about… not the new baby. The new baby is a breeze typically. It’s the toddler you’ve never experienced.
Most 1, 2, 3, and 4 year olds cannot communicate “hey Mom, it used to be just us and now there's a new baby that’s getting all your attention. I don’t like that.” I have four kids and all 3 of them reacted in the following:
Sickness…. Soooo much sickness. Ear infections, GI Bugs, you name it, we had it. Behavior set backs… we were potty trained suddenly we are not? Acting like a baby. Stealing pacifiers, baby talk, sitting in baby seats, playing with baby toys. Sleep regressions–ahh the realization mom wakes up with a new baby so of course she’ll wake up for me!
This blog post isn’t intended to scare you, it's intended to make you feel seen. It is a lot to manage your physical recovery, hormone imbalance, and a big sibling processing all of these changes. Some things that helped regulate our home after we brought a new baby home was one-on-one time. I would pump and Dad took turns feeding the baby while I did big kid bedtime. Or I would use my breastfeeding windows to sneak away for ice cream with my middle. In our home these sudden backlashes in behavior could trigger a knee-jerk reaction for discipline but most times I’ve found one on one time to be a balm to the toddler’s heart for more.
It is during this window we are having conversations on maternity leave weighing the costs of childcare vs. going back to work. Paying for two kids in full-time care can be so expensive and force you to ask yourself is this working for our family? A wise mom I look up to once said to think of jobs, seasons, and changes as light switches. Sometimes it feels like we are turning them off but often we are just pushing the dimmer down or up on certain roles. I like to think in that way. Not right now does not mean never. We can try two kids in daycare and if it doesn’t work we can change it.
Breathe. Take it day by day. Let yourself feel the hard and then go for a walk. Journal, get off your phone, and just laugh as much as you can. It is hard and crazy, but in 6 months it'll be a blip on the radar. You can do hard things and your new will feel normal before you know it.